My late father was a mathematics whiz. As a member of the Army Air Corps during World War II, he earned the highest score in his navigators’ class. As a father, he did his best to help me get through Algebra I, and later, as a grandfather, he used geometry to do any number of home projects, including putting up a swing set for my children. Algebra, geometry, even calculus — he felt at home with all of them.
Not me. I may be my father’ son, but his mathematical skill did not find its way into my DNA. I’ve always felt more comfortable and more capable when using words. In both my personal and professional lives, I’ve found my knowledge of words and how to use them to be rewarding. At the same time, I’m prone to have misunderstandings — and occasionally outright conflict — with people who are careless with words. I often imagine such individuals to be “numbers” people, even though that may not be the case. One day, these presumptions led me consider this question: What would happen if words and numbers went to war? That question, in turn, led me to lay the foundation for a story. Here’s how it goes.
Prince Alpha and Prince Ratio have always been rivals. As children, they sometimes got into fights over what was more important: words or numbers. As teenagers they harassed each other with pranks and on-line insults. In college they both wooed the same girl (who ultimately rejected them both).
Finally, as adults, after they assumed leadership over their respective kingdoms, the two princes entered into an uneasy truce. This truce, however, did not diminish their dislike for each other. Neither did it change the way they thought. Alpha was convinced words were superior to numbers; Ratio believed the exact opposite.
One day, a servant of Prince Alpha came running to him with a book in his hand. It was an algebra textbook.
“Look,” cried the servant. “That wretched Prince Ratio is using our alphabet in his math books.”
Prince Alpha was furious. “This is outrageous! We must retaliate.” Accordingly, he sent spies into Prince Ratio’s country with orders to remove words from every public building and structure. The spies did their job well. The day after they snuck back into Prince Alpha’s domain, Prince Ratio’s palace was flooded with angry and upset citizens. “Someone took down the sign above my store,” complained a shopkeeper. “I’m losing customers every hour!” The same complaint came from other shopkeepers, as well as the owners of grocery stores, hotels, and restaurants. Schools, libraries, police stations, and other public facilities were also without their signs. Even street signs were left bare, causing people to get lost.
“I know exactly who’s behind this thievery,” declared Prince Ratio, “and I’m going to make him and his people pay.”
So, Prince Ratio sent his spies into Prince Alpha’s land and had them remove all the numbers from everything they could lay their hands on. Soon, people there could not find stores, grocery stores, banks, and other important buildings because the numbers had been taken from their street addresses. Cars were getting lost and stolen without numbers on their license plates, and customers going into stores didn’t know the cost of the merchandise because the prices were gone.
“This is Prince Ratio’s doing,” said Prince Alpha. “I’ll make him sorry for his treachery.”
So Prince Alpha and Prince Ratio go back and forth, taking numbers and words from each other’s country, and causing widespread inconvenience and loss to the people in both lands. Eventually, the two prepare to start a full-scale war. At the last minute, however, conflict is avoided through the intervention of Alpha’s son and Ratio’s daughter. The pair are in love and want to get married, but they know that can’t happen until they settle the dispute between their fathers. So Princess Numeria and Prince Essay scold their dads over their foolish conflict and point out that no society will survive — much less flourish — without both words and numbers. The fathers confess their foolishness and agree to lay their differences aside. The wedding proceeds. Prince Alpha gives the young couple an unabridged dictionary as a gift; Prince Ratio gives them a silver-plated slide rule.
Before a first draft of The Day Words and Numbers Almost Went to War is completed, a number of technical issues would have to be resolved. At the top of this list is whether to make the book long enough to divide into chapters. Some plot and character issues would also have to be addressed. For example, should Alpha and Ratio be princes or kings? Should they live in castles, mansions, or something more modest? Should the romance between their children be introduced sooner than the end of the book?
Right now, this book is mostly a concept and may never see print. A number of things will have to happen before I even begin to write it. So, don’t spread the word just yet.